I was a mediocre husband for 15 years. Today, I teach husbands how to avoid the mistakes I made. How to grow and become great men. The kind their wives swoon over. New content delivered monthly. 👊🏼
Two Ancient Quotes. One Sacred Charge.
Hi Reader,
My close friend Javier uses every opportunity to remind me of a simple but powerful truth:
I don’t have to do hard things, I get to do hard things.
I don’t have to workout, I get to workout.
I don’t have to love people in their worst moments, I get to love people in their worst moments.
I don’t have to be a better man, I get to be a better man.
I thought of him and his commitment to beast mode when I stumbled across this ancient quote (62 A.D.) yesterday:
There are two ways to hear that, right?
- You have to do this
- You get to do this
If I ignore Javier and put it in the “have to” category, my ego reacts and starts churning out a litany of protests and objections:
- Yeah, right. I’ll go all out when she goes all out.
- Have you seen my schedule?!
- I’m already stretched too thin.
- Why do I always have to go first?
- What about my needs?
- I’m already a good husband. I help around the house. I don’t yell. I don’t drink. I don’t look at porn (not every day, at least).
- Plus, what would “going all out” accomplish? She’s impossible to please. She’s critical of everything I do!
- Yada, yada.
The result?
Nothing changes.
Mediocrity lives to fight another day.
However ...
If I put our ancient quote in the “get to” category, my inner hero arises, victimhood comes grinding to a halt, and my brain gets pointed in a very different direction:
- Big demands lead to big gains!
- I love being married. I love having someone to shine for. Someone to be great for.
- Yes! Another opportunity to exercise and build up my “husbands go first” muscle.
- Lately, I’ve been giving my best at work but half-assing it at home. That sh#t ain’t right. My wife deserves my best. My family deserves my best.
- “Going all out” means I get to grow!
- I get to evolve!
- I get to destroy the personality defects that have plagued the men in my family line for generations!
- Not only will this bring out the best in my wife, it will bring out the best in me. It’s a win-win.
Have to.
Get to.
Choose wisely.
In closing, I’m reminded of another ancient quote. This one by Epictetus. I’ll leave you with it.
​
Put It to Work
- Write today’s quotes in your notebook or journal.
- What would it look like to go all out in your love for your wife? Brainstorm. Sketch out a handful of ideas.
- Take one small step in that direction today. No more waiting. Demand the best from yourself.
​
​Need Help?
My friends Javier and Shannan lead a monthly marriage bootcamp, offer coaching for men and women, and produce practical, hard-hitting, and very entertaining video shorts for couples in every stage of marriage.
(If you’re a frustrated or checked-out wife, I highly recommend Shannan’s group coaching program.)
​Click here to visit their website (24/7 Marriage) or here to visit their Instagram page. You don’t have to, of course :)
​
Your Coach,
Wife Magnet
I was a mediocre husband for 15 years. Today, I teach husbands how to avoid the mistakes I made. How to grow and become great men. The kind their wives swoon over. New content delivered monthly. 👊🏼
Hi Reader, The Bengali poet and philosopher, Rabindranath Tagore, was speaking to husbands everywhere when he said: A mind that’s all logic is like a knife that’s all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it. (Rabindranath Tagore) That was me. “I’ll out-reason her.” “I’ll poke holes in her argument.” “I’ll present a stronger case.” “I’ll wear her down.” What I wanted ... My wife would come to her senses ... Recognize my logic was superior to her logic ... And have warm, fuzzy feelings for...
Hi Reader, This week’s small-but-mighty email opens with J.R.R. Tolkien on being overlooked: Deeds will not be less valiant because they’re unpraised. (Aragorn, The Return of the King) Husband and fellow warrior-king, Keep doing the right thing because it’s the right thing. Keep doing the right thing because that’s the kind of man you are. Put a knife to the throat of neediness. Needing your wife to notice, thank, or praise you for your benevolent deed. Otherwise, your good deed turns rancid...
Hi Reader, Last week, one of the men in my private community (we’ll call him Dan) shared a story that will dramatically improve your marriage. Here’s what happened … Dan is chillin’ with his family when his cell phone rings. It’s their next-door neighbor. During the course of the phone call, Dan is gracious, kind, patient, and attentive. Like he’s filming a telephone etiquette video for Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. The call ends and Dan’s wife — stunned by the...